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Bond Girl Home | Who is the Best Bond Girl?


Plenty has been written on the topic of which Bond girl was the hottest, which one was the best, and even which one had the awesomest name. But, with over 45 years on the silver screen and countless female conquests, one thing’s for certain: James Bond has been dancing into the fire when it comes to exposing himself to some serious STDs.

Let’s face it, any woman willing to jump into bed within a minute of your first meeting has probably been around the block a few times, and since we all know “you’re not just having sex with them, but everyone they’ve ever been with,” this makes 007 the Wilt Chamberlain of the Secret Service community.

We’re not definitively saying James Bond has an STD (after all, he’s James Frickin’ Bond), but we are saying that these eight girls could easily have left him with considerably more than a few fond memories.

Bond gets it on.

Another way to die?



Holly Goodhead (Moonraker)


Who She Is:

Equal parts scientist, astronaut, and CIA operative, Holly Goodhead is working undercover on the Moonraker space shuttle, attempting to uncover a convoluted plot to destroy the human race. Her path crosses Bond's in California, Venice, Rio, and finally... outer space (?!), and although their relationship starts out as all work and no play, their subsequent meetups involve a fair amount of activity she probably wouldn't include in her report to CIA headquarters. Too bad their final, zero-G tryst wound up being broadcast directly to the White House and Buckingham Palace.

Holly Goodhead

"James, take me around the world again." - Dr. Goodhead

Why She Might Be Dirty:

Like many a Bond girl, her name alone suggests she may have a bit more experience than she lets on. Still, in the overall scheme of things, this dutiful agent seems relatively tame when compared with some of Bond’s other conquests. The only way she’s packing an STD is if she picked one up in college while doing a bit of late night studying with a dashing young lab partner.


Overall Risk Factor:
2/10




Anya Amasova -- Agent XXX (The Spy Who Loved Me)


Who She Is:

A KGB agent in love with the Russian assassin Bond kills at the beginning of the film, Anya winds up partnered with Bond, though they remain adversaries. When XXX learns of 007’s role in the death of her lover, she vows revenge, but is ultimately too smitten with Bond to follow through. The two share some escape pod sexy-time until their bosses come along and ruin all the fun.

Anya Amasova

"Is there anything I can do to warm you up?" - Bond

Why She Might Be Dirty:
Though the words “dirty” and “Communist” get tossed around a lot in the same sentence, this Bond girl is relatively low risk. For Amasova, the mission comes first, and Bond wouldn’t have even had a shot with her if he hadn’t unintentionally brought an end to her long-term relationship. Still, her code name does leave some questions as to what (and who) she’d be willing to do for her country.


Overall Risk Factor: 3/10




Andrea Anders (The Man with the Golden Gun)


Who She Is:

A mysterious and possibly unwilling female companion to Scaramanga, Anders sends a golden bullet to Bond in an attempt to trick him into killing the reclusive assassin for her. Her first meeting with Bond involves a surprise in the shower and some rolling around on the bed, but oddly enough, no sex. However, Anders eventually finds herself in the agent’s hotel room, where she offers him “ample compensation” for killing Scaramanga. Unfortunately, her deceit is discovered and she is killed the next morning.

Andrea Anders

"You can have me too, if you like."
- Andrea Anders

Why She Might Be Dirty:
Clearly unhappy with her current predicament, it’s difficult to determine whether she’s simply being overly appreciative, is smitten by Bond’s irresistible charm, or is just relieved to be with a man who doesn’t have three nipples. It’s impossible to say what happens on Scaramanga’s private island, but with a midget and an assassin running around in a lunatic's funhouse, it’s probably best just not to think about it.


Overall Risk Factor: 4/10




P*ssy Galore (Goldfinger)


Who She Is:

One of the most iconic Bond girls of all time, P*ssy Galore is a pilot for villain Auric Goldfinger and leader of P*ssy Galore's Flying Circus. Presumably a hardened criminal, P*ssy is eventually seduced by Bond and does a complete flip-flop, going from being an integral part of Goldfinger’s Operation: Grand Slam to almost singlehandedly sabotaging the entire scheme.

***** Galore

"We must have a few fast falls together." - Bond

Why She Might Be Dirty:

Not only is she the oldest of all the Bond girls (which means she’s had more time to pick up a thing or two along the way), but her name is easily the most sexually explicit. You can debate all you want about whether P*ssy Galore is her given name or a nickname she earned herself at the Air Force Academy, but either way she’s clearly no angel.


Overall Risk Factor: 5/10




Octopussy (Octopussy)


Who She Is:
Master jewel smuggler and circus owner, Octopussy earned her atrocious moniker because her father studied octopi. Despite being a “villain,” she beds Bond as a thank you for allowing her father (also a thief) to kill himself rather than face the public disgrace of a court-martial. Not all bad, Octo is double-crossed by partners far more evil than her, and eventually rescued by Bond, who she once again ends up giving a nice hard “thank you.”

Octopussy

"You're right, we are two of a kind."
- Bond

Why She Might Be Dirty:
Bedding the man who let your father commit suicide is a little bit eerie, but maybe we can just chalk that up to a totally messed up childhood. Still, it's an open question whether or not we can buy into the octopi angle for that nickname of hers, and the fact that she lives on a island exclusively populated by women is certainly offset by fact that she frequently travels with some seriously creepy circus folk.


Overall Risk Factor: 6/10




Christmas Jones (The World is Not Enough)


Who She Is:

Widely regarded as one of the worst Bond girls of all time, Christmas Jones is slightly less-than-convincing as an esteemed nuclear physicist working to dismantle atomic warheads. She assists James Bond in foiling a plot involving an oil pipeline and Begbie from Trainspotting, and upon bedding Bond at the conclusion of the film, she inspires one of the most groan-inducing puns in Bond's history: “I thought Christmas only comes once a year.”

Christmas Jones

"Somebody's gonna have my ass."
- Christmas Jones

Why She Might Be Dirty:

Judging from her distinctly non-scientific attire and the fact that she rarely seems to have a clue what she’s talking about, it’s easy to assume she didn’t get her degree by studying hard and acing tests. Most likely this Bond girl spent some serious time hitting up her professors’ office hours and doing whatever she could to "earn" a passing grade.


Overall Risk Factor:
7/10




Strawberry Fields (Quantum of Solace)


Who She Is:

An agent sent to arrest Bond and return him to Britain, at first glance Strawberry Fields seems to be all business. After attempting to kill time before the next flight out of La Paz by checking into a dilapidated hotel under the guise of being teachers on sabbatical, Bond quickly wins her over by taking them to a nicer hotel and upgrading them to a suite. Sex immediately ensues.

Strawberry Fields

"I think she has handcuffs." - Mathis

Why She Might Be Dirty:

Any woman who immediately goes from professionally disinterested to swooning and willing based on improved hotel accommodations is highly suspect. It’s hard to believe this is her first upgrade. And despite clearly having high standards for who she’ll bed, it still seems like Strawberry Fields might have been lubed up with cash once or twice before, collecting who knows how many little "bonuses" from London’s upper crust along the way.


Overall Risk Factor:
8/10




May Day (A View to a Kill)


Who She Is:
Henchwoman and lover to Christopher Walken’s Max Zorin, this ‘roided up villain is the head of an all-female staff of guards. After initially being pursued by Bond, she rather abruptly and somewhat inexplicably ends up bedding him in what might be some of the most testosterone-driven sex of 007’s career. As is typically the case, Bond’s seed causes her to ultimately realize the error of her criminal ways and assist him in helping to foil Zorin’s evil plot.

May Day

"A little restless, but I finally got off." - Bond

Why She Might Be Dirty:

The needle sharing alone is enough to make most people cringe, but when you couple that with being the on-call lover / personal guard to an ex-KGB psychopath who takes whatever he wants, the deck is seriously stacked against her. You can always repent your villainous ways, but there’s still no cure for hepatitis.


Overall Risk Factor:
9/10