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Bond Villain Home | Killing off Bond


Rejoice! Rejoice! March 1967 Esquire Magazine cover
Over years and years, decade after decade, that famous line has persistently popped up: "Do you expect me to talk?" "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to DIE!" So what has been the best way of killing Bond so far? Hmmmm? The laser? Tarantula in the bed? The cake-bomb?


How about strapping him to a gurney with the girl, opening a vein on his arm, and laboriously lowering him into your decorative shark-tank?

D'oh! Forgot to take off the magnetic watch!

As the late Alec Treveylan (aka Janus, aka 006) once said "Why can't (he) just be a good boy and die?"

In an effort to help the nefarious, we at Licensed to Kill here list the countless ways that villains, henchmen, lackeys and the merely amateurish have tried (so far, unsuccessfully) to kill off British Agent 007, James Bond. They range from the accidental to the purposefully complex, thought up off-the-cuff or planned down to the last detail. But whether improvised or premeditated, simple or ludicrous they all have one thing in common:

Failure.

(I suppose one could try just shooting him!)

Here then, listed by film, are the many ways to not kill off Bond...unsuccessfully. (We suggest you don't use them!)

Should you want to achieve such a goal, remember, please, the words of Miss Tiffany Case: "And for God's sake, try and come up with something original for a change!"



Dr. No Escape
Dr. No
  • Incompetent driver/assassin
  • Tarantula in the bed
  • Run off the road
  • Shot while sleeping
  • Shot by patrol boat
  • Dragon tank
  • Irradiated
  • Talked to death at dinner
  • Beaten up
  • Electrocuted
  • Dangerously un-insulated ventilation system
  • Beaten by Dr No's metal hands
  • Boiled alive in a nuclear cooling tank


From Russia With Love

  • Elaborate plot entailing seduction, blackmail, and a faked suicide
  • Attempted assassination at a gypsy camp
  • A beating, capped by being garroted by a wire hidden in a watch
  • Chased down by a helicopter dropping grenades
  • Chased down by Morzeny and several SPECTRE speedboats
  • Poison-tipped shoes
  • Fighting Grant to the death
    Killing Off Bond - James Bond Wiki



James Bond gets a lesson in lasers from "Goldfinger"
Goldfinger
  • Betrayal by girlfriend, with attempted black-jacking and a beating
  • Machine-gunned by old lady
  • Chased down by shooting henchmen
  • Laser beam castration
  • Being blown up at Ft. Knox
  • Threatened with flying bowler hat
  • Various karate moves by OddJob
  • Shooting in a plane


James Bond (Sean Connery) stretching out in "Thunderball"
Thunderball
  • Attacked with a poker "in the hands of a widow"
  • Pulled apart by spine-stretching machine
  • Run-down by speed-boat and concussed by dropped grenades
  • Chased down and nearly shot in back while dancing
  • Shark feeding
  • Harpoons (lots of 'em!)
  • Beating on an out-of-control hydrofoil
  • Shot by a man wearing an eyepatch


You Only Live Twice
  • Shot at by armed guards (from his own government!)
  • Chased and attacked by Japanese dock-workers
  • Trapped in a falling plane
  • Dogfight with machine-gunning black helicopters
  • Sneaking onto the roof, and dripping poison down a thread while you sleep (Sheesh!)
  • Knife hidden in practice bamboo pole (time-honored favorite!)
  • Blown-up by self-destructing volcano (another THF)


On Her Majesty's Secret Service
  • Beach-fight at dusk!
  • Attacked by henchman
  • Threatened at gun-point by future fiancee
  • Sleeping with Irma Bunt!
  • Run-over by a...tram-lift(?)
  • Chased by machine-gunning skiers
  • Nearly thrown off a very high cliff
  • Death by Demolition Derby
  • Avalanche
  • Thrown beaker of acid
  • Nearly blown up by grenades from a speeding bob-sled
  • Crunching your head against an ice-wall while traveling on a speeding bob-sled!!
  • Drive-by shooting
  • Broken heart



Mr. Wint leaves 007 in peace in "Diamonds Are Forever"
Diamonds Are Forever
  • Shot from a mud-pit
  • Gassed, kidnapped, and buried alive in a pipeline
  • A beating in tight-quarters (elevator)
  • Attacked by slow-moving astronauts
  • Garroting
  • Clobbered with a decorative urn
  • Cake-bomb
  • Attempted cremation
  • Talked to death by villain
  • Attempted burning by shiskabob



Live and Let Die

  • Shooting your driver on a busy New York freeway
  • Walking in a Harlem bar
  • A beating
  • The old snake-in-the-bathroom trick
  • Attacked by helicopters in an opium field
  • Interminably chased by henchmen with guns in planes, buses and boats
  • Lots of hungry alligators
  • Scissored pinky
  • Guns with suppressor hidden in scarecrows
  • Voodoo ritual
  • That thing with the knots and the knife and the shark-pool
  • Attacked by a guy with a big clunky metal hand
  • Attacked by Baron Samedi with a machete



Nick-Nack in Grisleyland "The Man with the Golden Gun"
The Man with the Golden Gun
  • Attacked by cranky belly-dance afficianadoes
  • Chased by Hong Kong police
  • Squeezed by sumo wrestlers (picture)
  • "Show-and-tell" at a martial arts school
  • Hunted down by Scaramanga, who dreams to put a golden bullet in his head
  • Cut in half by solar collector's beam
  • Attacked by a small Frenchman with a trident (picture)
  • Attacked a second time by the small Frenchman, with a knife
  • Forced to deal with Sheriff J.W. Pepper (again!)
  • Forced to deal with Mary Goodnight


The Spy Who Loved Me
  • Chased by Russian spies on skis, forced off a cliff
  • Beaten by Jaws (a lot!)
  • Extended fire-fight with a Super-tanker crew
  • Pesky nuclear device
  • Aborted shark-feeding
  • Chased by torpedo-firing motorcycle, frogmen and Caroline Munro in a helicopter (life is tough!)
  • Shot at with a reeeeeeeally long gun
  • The destruction of Stromberg's underwater base by US submarine



James Bond attempts re-entry in "Moonraker"
Moonraker
  • Tossed out of a perfectly good airplane
  • Sniper in a tree
  • Knife-throwing corpse
  • Beaten up in a glass factory
  • Incinerated by shuttle rockets
  • Shoved out of a perfectly good ambulance!
  • Constricted by a python
  • Jaws (a lot more!)
  • Shot with a laser gun
  • Crushed in a centrifuge
  • Strangled with a chain
  • Nearly shoved out of a perfectly good air-lock
  • Lots of dirty looks from "M" and "Q"
  • Shot at pheasant hunting grounds


James Bond is overcome by gymnast Bibi in "For Your Eyes Only"
For Your Eyes Only
  • Remote-controlled helicopters (always bad news)
  • Pool-partyers with automatic weapons
  • Driving a Citroen 2CV! A freaking Citroen 2CV!
  • Dragged over a coral reef and left for sharks
  • Cutting his oxygen supplies or crushing him with a JIM diving suit in the St George wreckage
  • Relentless pursuit by an Olympic decathalon athlete
  • Cross-checking hockey players
  • One word: Bibi;The thought of her and 007 is enough to make arnold shwarzenegger puke his guts out
  • Chased-down by cars and dune-buggies!
  • Free-falling while rock-climbing


Octopussy
  • Yo-yo saw killer attacking 007 and Octopussy
  • Taken prisoner by corrupt General
  • Acro-jet target practice
  • Side-winder missiles
  • Rapidly closing hangar doors
  • Snakes!
  • Berserker knife-throwing circus twins!
  • Kamal Khan's caterers
  • Tunnels!
  • Another pesky nuclear device
  • Falling off a plane



James Bond holds on to a fire-truck in "A View To a Kill"
A View to a Kill
  • Chased by skiing Soviet agents (to "California Girls") and helicopter
  • Trick steeplechase
  • Drugged horse
  • Locked in a submerged Rolls-Royce
  • Locked in an elevator in a burning building
  • Dangled from a speeding fire-truck
  • Bumped into building and bridges while dangling from a blimp
  • Attacked with an axe on top of the Golden Gate Bridge
  • shot by an old man


The Living Daylights
  • Goddamned poorly-planned Gibraltar exercise!
  • Officious Bureaucracy
  • Hugged by Georgi
  • Czech border troops just doing their jobs
  • Incompetent girl-friend, in over her head
  • Martini: chloral-hydrated, not stirred
  • Clobbered by tough "Eastenders"
  • Nearly stabbed with a desk-spike
  • Strangled with a net by assassin
  • Fight while dangling from same net by same assassin outside a plane piloted by your incompetent girlfriend
  • Brad Whittaker uses his stock of weapons against him
  • (Actually Bond has it pretty easy in this one!)



Dario attempts to toss James Bond into a crusher in "Licence To Kill"
Licence To Kill
  • Sanchez's goons (a lot)
  • Ninja attack (....uh, ninja's?)
  • Dastardly frog-men
  • Laser photography
  • Dario tries to drop him into the cocaine grinder
  • Just about every way you could take out a Kenworth
  • Big machete
  • Big explosion--really big
  • Stinger missile
  • Extended litigation with MGM over Bond broadcast rights






Xenia
Goldeneye

  • Exploding train
  • Lots of guns, lots of bullets
  • Crushed between extremely muscular thighs (lest we forget!)
  • Lots of beatings
  • Throwing 007 off the antenna cradle
  • Missile taking out plane
  • A bit too much psycho-analysis
  • Helicopter that can be destroyed by its own missiles (good investment, that!)
  • End-Title Song by Eric Serra

Tomorrow never dies

  • Strangled by back-seat pilot (there's a Mensa candidate for ya!)
  • Beating (not including getting slapped by ex-girlfriend)
  • Dr. Kauffman attempts to murder/torture/talk him to death
  • Parking garage car chase with Carver's men
  • Helicopter shoots at him during motorcycle chase
  • Nasty looking torture utensils
  • Attack on the stealth boat that just seems to go on and on...


Elektra puts Bond in a compromising position in "The World Is Not Enough"
The World is Not Enough
  • Swiss banker thugs
  • Cigar Girl attack
  • Parahawks
  • A pesky runaway nuclear device in a pipeline (deja vu!)
  • Helicopters with giant saws
  • Renard sets off a bomb as he leaves through the elevator
  • Elektra's chair that would eventually break his neck
  • Fight in submarine


James Bond catches some rays in "Die Another Day"
Die Another Day
  • Colonel Moon orders his men to shoot him
  • The many weapons on the hovercraft chase
  • Zao tries to kill him at the clinic
  • His sword fight with Graves
  • Laser fight with Mr. Kil (Really lives up to his name!)
  • Miranda and Graves' men shoot at him
  • Icarus' laser beam is used on him
  • Car battle with Zao
  • Graves tries to kill him on the plane


James Bond is tortured by LeChiffre in "Casino Royale"
Casino Royale


    • Basic shooting with Kalashnikovs, PMs or gun with suppressor
    • Stiletto (Dimitrios)
    • Several nasty beatings
    • Tortured with a knotted rope
    • Poisoned martini (with digitoxin)
    • Machete attack, while going down a steep stairwell
    • Nail gun (he is hit in the shoulder)
    • Broken heart
    • Bad car accident
    • Badly lacerated knuckles


    Quantum of Solace
    • Airplane Attack
    • Ears ringing from shooting a gun that close to your head
    • Boat Attack
    • Car Attack
    • Axe Attack
    • Fire Attack
    • C.I.A. Attack
    • Nearly shot by double agent Mitchell
    • Lack of sleep
    • Six martini's in a row (not poisoned)


    Skyfall
    • Melee with Patrice on top of a train
    • Shooting him with depleted uranium projectiles
    • Shooting him with a custom-made sniper rifle at close range
    • Melee with Patrice in a Hong-Kong skyscraper
    • Shooting him with the PPK/S (which doesn't work thanks to the palmprint activation)
    • Explosion in the London Underground to make a train fall on him
    • Shooting Skyfall Lodge with assault rifles and a machine-gun on helicopter
    • Grenades



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    Anonymous Ways how villains have tried to kill Bond 0 Nov 10 2012, 7:28 AM EST by Anonymous
     
    Thread started: Nov 10 2012, 7:28 AM EST  Watch
    Another very clever technique to kill Bond was used in Skyfall, where Raoul Silva (the villain) causes a train to de-rail and crash, and aiming directly at our friend Bond
    Topol Best way to kill James (page: 1 2 3) 41 Jun 21 2011, 3:04 PM EDT by Anonymous
    Thread started: Sep 30 2008, 1:56 PM EDT  Watch
    I think one of the best ways to kill Bond was in Diamonds are Forever when he is creamated alive. It would be pretty well impossible to escape from and nobody would know where he was. But the movie would be pretty short if he died right then and there...
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    GrapplingHookGun Stupid villians (page: 1 2) 34 Apr 30 2010, 5:21 PM EDT by Anonymous
    Thread started: Jun 23 2009, 8:20 AM EDT  Watch
    So many stupid villians, trying to kill 007 in all sorts of ways: cake bombs, grinding machines, back stretching machines, and talking to death. The only good villians, are the ones who just try to shoot him and just end it. Goldfinger finally understood it after trying to cut 007 in two, but he should of shot 007 when he had the chance, instead he had to point out where Miss. Galore was. Blofeld was going to shoot 007 in YOLT, but he had to say "good bye, Mr. Bond." And as always 007 escapes. Oh well, atleast Goldfinger and Blofeld tryed.
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